In keeping with a commitment to transparency in everything I do, and ongoing treatment for a stubborn narcissistic personality disorder, here are 20 more things you probably didn’t know about Pachinko.
1. I was voted “America’s Happiest Prison Guard” in 2003.
2. That Dalai Lama is really getting on my last nerve.
3. In high school, my nickname was “Sherry.”
4. For two years in the 1980s I had a huge crush on that chick in the Whitesnake videos till someone pointed out...
5. The local barista knows that I like a Venti triple shot with Ensure, no room.
6. I don’t think I can fit one more thing under the house.
7. My research shows that clowns are scary because on a deep level they remind us of how we look to our sexual partners.
8. Disney has finally optioned my script about the parking lot tram.
9. Some people say I’m “reclusive”; others say “house arrest.” Win-win.
11. I don’t believe that any relationship is truly over until you wake up to the smell of gasoline on the sheets.
11. My self-dentistry days are done.
12. How do I tell the three Asian women in my living room that there are better places for a nail salon?
13. Although I resisted at first, I have to admit that maybe the dog has a point.
14. Diplomacy? Bitch, please.
15. I sleep better when there’s not someone else in the room sobbing.
16. I yearn for the days when it was just symptoms.
17. Flights are always more interesting when you whisper to the person next to you, “Don’t be a hero.”
18. My favorite superhero name is “Peaches.”
19. Sometimes I like to sidle up to a hot girl at the bar and talk like Forrest Gump.
20. I would rather watch a snuff film than any episode of Storage Wars.